It's a love thing.

Sometimes I wonder about myself. Actually if we are telling the truth, I normally worry about myself. I seem to never be satisfied. I always want more. I can't seem to be truly happy and content with right where I am at. There was a time that I really struggled with being single, with wanting to have a special someone to share things with.

Then I found that someone for me. And it wasn't too long into the relationship that I wanted more, marriage. I expected him to be ready when I was ready. I can't seem to get my silly heart to understand that marriage or not, I am incredibly blessed right now.

Maybe it's seeing my friends and now sister getting married.
Maybe it's the ridiculous life plan that I dreamed of in college (which for the record not one bit of it is coming true).
Possibly it's the "internal clock" of my female body, saying let's move on to the next step. Maybe I am just completely selfish.

Who knows the real answer to that but I found something tonight that made me realize that I keep pointing the finger at all the reasons of why I am not yet married and none of those directions have been in proximity to my own heart.

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to another,

To have a deep soul relationship with another,

To be loved thoroughly and exclusively,

But God, to a Christian, says,

"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content

With being loved by me alone,

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,

With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,

Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me alone,

Exclusive of anyone or anything else,

Exclusive of any other longings or desires.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,

and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan that exists,

one that you cannot imagine.

Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting great things.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction the I Am.

Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.

You just wait.

That's all.

Don't be anxious.

Don't worry.

Don't look at the things you want;

You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And then when you are ready,

I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you could dream of.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,

I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time,

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you,

You won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.

And this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,

And to enjoy materially and concretely

the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.

I am God.

Believe it and be satisfied.

-St. Anthony of Padua

Apparently I needed a little wake up call. And so now, I wait patiently, believing that God has already shown me who this perfect love will be with on this earth. Waiting, expecting great things. Knowing that my God will know when the time has come for me. *Of course, we all understand this is considerably easier to type than to live. But try I will.